Q. Question? It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F*** him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

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Definitions

Alarm clock: a machine invented to scare the daylights into you.

Antique: an item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and that you're buying again for twice times the price

Argument: a fight over who can get in the last word first.

Bargain: something thats so cheap, you cant resist it, even though you cant use it and dont really want it.

Barium: what we do to most people when they die.

Blackout: an abnormality of electrical power that turns a $2,000 computer system into so many paperweights.

Business meeting: a time for people to talk about what they're supposed to be doing.

Confidence: the human quality that comes before experience.

Courtesy: the art of yawning with your mouth closed.

Derange: where de buffalo roam.

Discretion: the art of being wiser than anyone while letting no one know it.

Encores: songs performers have to sing until they finally get one right.

ECT: an abbreviation used to make people think that you have additional information.

Experience: something you've acquired after its too late to do you much good.

Expiration: the process of not breathing

Goblet: a young turkey.

Gossipers: people who believe anything they overhear.

Hate: a special kind of love given to people who suck

Impossibility: something no one can do until someone does it.

Know-it-all: a person that knows everything there is to know about nothing.

Love: something that happens when imagination overpowers common sense

Low mileage: something you get when your car won't start.

Misnomer: the correct word for an incorrect word.

Money: a device by which parents stay in touch with their college children.

Nail: what amateur carpenters replace with their thumb while the hammer is in motion.

Nervous disorder: a hereditary condition parents inherit from their teenage children.

Newscast: one place where good rarely triumphs over evil.

Opportunity: something that knocks, but doesn't turn the door handle.

Optimist: someone blithely ignorant of how serious a crisis really is.

Pessimist: a former optimist

Phonetic: an example of a word that isn't spelled the way it sounds.

Quality Control: a corporate term for nagging.

Rome: what buffalo do.

Shanghai: the opposite of Shanglow.

Steering Committee: a panel of individuals that aren't capable of driving by themselves.

Subordinate Clause: the grammatically correct term for Santa Clauses assistant.

Tact: that knack of knowing exactly what NOT to say.

Teamwork: getting a group of individuals to do what one person tells them to.

Venice: one of the planets.

Wake-up call: the issue of mind-over-mattress.

Wastebasket: a receptacle near which trash is tossed.

Wide receiver: a twelve foot TV antenna.

A. Best Answer: all the definitions are definitely true!

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Q. Question? I am a UK domiciled and resident person who is about to be gifted assets and funds from an overseas foundation / corporate (not an individual). Am I liable to any tax on the gifts?

A. Best Answer: I think its ok up to a certain amount. But to be sure I'd check customs and excise. You should be able to find them through directgov.org

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Q. Question? I have had a good search on the we and can't really find what I am looking for.
I have found many American Indian craft web sites but I'm looking for something much simpler, were I need minimal tools.
My boyfriend was given a couple of cow hides as a corporate gift and I'd like to make the most of the leather.
I've already made some cushions for his mum and dad, which have turned out loverly but I'm looking for ieas for other projects.
Your help would be greatly appreciated.

A. Best Answer: I haven't seen anything on the web either. You're best looking in your local library. They should have, or can get you, numerous books which have patterns and instructions.

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Q. Question? I know that in Japan, you never open a gift immediately upon reception.

In the US it's OK

In Germany?

A. Best Answer: I don't know about the specific rules of etiquette in Germany, however, my boss is natively a German, and when she gives wrapped gifts, she anticipates they will be opened immediately so that she can see the reaction. However, she has been living in the US for many years, where this is the custom, as well.

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Q. Question? Is it illigal under corporate law to accept gifts from suppleirs. That is to say firms that we give work to and not firms that give work to us. Is the christmas gift from a supplier classed as a gratuity and as such unacceptable.

A. Best Answer: As far as I know there are no laws against corporations accepting gifts...but most companies have internal rules governing the acceptance of gifts above a certain amount. THe only way to know for sure with your particular company is to look in your employee handbook or ask your supervisor.

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Q. Question? does anyone know where i can buy one of those desk pads which are about A2 paper size and usually have calendarsprinted on them.I have only ever sen or found ones which are given as corporate gifts but i only need one andthe companies that make them charge in 100's or more.

A. Best Answer: Try your local stationery shop they normally sale them individually or maybe WH Smiths.

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Q. Question? I want to expand my business, I am looking for a corporate deal to do staff shopping days or insentive gift, gift wrapped.

A. Best Answer: Tell me more about your business I am interested!

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Q. Question? I need to purchase a corporate gift, value £200, of tickets to the theatre and a meal in London. I was hoping to buy vouchers so the recipient can just book something of their choice when they are ready - rather than us pick the show/restaurant. I've tried London Theatre Direct but they don't take Amex. Any suggestions of other companies I could try for this type of thing?

A. Best Answer: Londontown.com has exactly what your looking for, try it out, you'll not be dissapointed. it even includes packages with the London Eye and dinner.

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Q. Question? In the UK we pay -

*income tax & ntional insurance (directly from our wages/salaries) graduated from 22% up depending on how much you earn.
*stamp duty on property
*council tax (graduated depending on where you live)
*excise tax/duty on foriegn products
*road tax (on vehicles - graduated on engine size)
*inheritence tax (on anything we inherit over about £250k)
*Road/bridge/tunnel tolls
*goods & service tax or VAT 17.5% (supposedly Value Added Tax) on anything brought in shops and any services (bills, etc) - businesses can claim this back
*TV Licence (anyone who owns a TV or radio)
*IRS (inland revenue service) - taxing our leftovers
*watercraft registration/boat tax
*vehicle license registration tax
*fuel permit tax
*fishing licence tax
*Gift tax
*building permit tax
*cigarette/alcohol tax - stamp duty (as well as VAT)
*corporate income tax (employer tax) approx. 40%

not to mention all the hidden taxes, such as court fines, traffic fines, and many more.....

A. Best Answer: Well, here in Michigan, I pay:

Income Tax-state level
Sales Tax-state level
Social Security Tax-federal
Income Tax-federal
property tax-state
gasoline tax-state and federal
registration tax on any vehicle-state
communications tax on cell phone- federal
cigarette tax-state
alcohol tax-state

there are probably more that I pay that I don't know are taxes too.
energy tax-state (and maybe federal?)
fishing liscense tax-state

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